things are considered painful because they hurt
“this persons parents will love you”
said the youtube tarot reader.
and it stuck in terms of
ringing continuously
in the desire area of things.
i want their parents to love
me more than them
and they will be jealous
and i will enjoy that.
i liked the psychoanalyst mom thing
because i like to win
and to be better at that than her.
just kidding i know it's cus he's fucking me,
you know how these men can be…
just kidding i'm asexual.
just kidding i'm not even sure
what a therapist does honestly,
i've just been talking to a woman on a screen
who i sometimes catch zoning out
and sometimes judging me.
i can't expect her not to be her own person.
every time her setting changes.
i wonder how many private rooms
she has access to.
a youtube video with dramatic bot voice
retelling jungian theories.
its not my fault i can barely sit down
long enough to read.
just kidding it is my fault, i could just eat.
where the lack of appetite comes from tho
is not my fault, really.
i caught my boss looking at me like that
then he said i had pretty shoes.
i said his wife is so nice,
he said everyone in japan is like that.
it's not my fault i love cocaine, it's genetics.
just kidding it is my fault
no, it's just my fault that i kept saying yes
or for thinking i could change anything
not open to changing
and even if it did change
for thinking i could know
which way it would move,.
new york times wonders if
proactive peeing is bad for you
"experts weigh in".
i know holding it in is bad for you
but can't seem to get ahead of it yet.
my sitto would say in a harsh bitter tone,
"keep doing that and you'll end up like me" :
kidney failure.
years later she would die
hooked up to the machine.
once you stop thinking "it's hot"
it just becomes an experience.
once you stop thinking "it's painful"
you just cry and cry and cry
and cry and cry and cry
and at some point, it stops.